The Truth About What the Bible Really Says About Submission
In today’s world, communication in Christian marriage is often misunderstood, particularly when it comes to the concept of submission. Many people think of submission as something negative—a sign of weakness, or a loss of independence. But what if I told you that we’ve been looking at it the wrong way? In this post, we’ll explore biblical submission and its relationship to communication, using Scripture as our foundation.
Biblical Submission—Not What You Think
When we hear the word “submission,” many of us think of control or domination. But the Bible’s definition of submission is far different. Ephesians 5:21 says, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” This doesn’t point to a one-sided relationship, but to mutual respect and communication. It’s not about one spouse ruling over the other but submitting first to God and then to each other.
Submission begins when we are both submitted to Christ. It’s not about one person being in charge; it’s about creating a foundation of love, trust, and respect, rooted in a shared relationship with God. As Christians, we are called to live out God’s love, and this requires effective communication and mutual submission.
Communication and Submission in Marriage
Good communication is the backbone of every successful relationship, and your marriage is no different. When communication breaks down, issues like pride, misunderstanding, and hurt feelings often take over. This is where submission to God comes in. As we submit to Him, we learn to listen, not just speak. We learn to respond with love rather than react in anger.
A practical example: When we approach a disagreement, instead of insisting on being “right,” we should ask ourselves, “How can I honor God in this moment?” Whether you’re feeling misunderstood or hurt, the first step is to communicate your feelings clearly, but respectfully, always aiming to restore peace.
Ephesians 4:29 reminds us: “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs.” In marriage, this means choosing words that uplift your spouse, even when you disagree.
The Role of Respect in Christian Marriage
In Christian marriage, respect is crucial. As wives are called to submit to their husbands, Ephesians 5:33 also commands husbands to love their wives “as Christ loved the church.” This means husbands must treat their wives with the same love, sacrifice, and care that Christ showed.
When a husband and wife communicate with love and respect, it creates an environment where both partners feel valued. Submission is no longer about “who’s in charge” but becomes a tool for deepening your relationship with each other and with God.
Overcoming Marriage Challenges Through Submission
No marriage is perfect. Disagreements, financial stress, or even parenting can cause tension. In those moments, how do we submit to God and each other? One of the most important ways is through prayer and open communication.
Philippians 2:3-4 tells us to “do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.” By choosing to humble ourselves and consider our spouse’s needs, we build a foundation of trust and understanding.
Instead of reacting in frustration, choose to listen first. Ask your spouse how they feel and what they need. This kind of communication is the heart of submission, as it honors your partner and invites God into your relationship.
Practical Christian Marriage Tips for Better Communication
- Pray Together – Before you discuss any tough issue, pray together. Ask God for wisdom, patience, and the right words.
- Listen Actively – When your spouse speaks, listen with the intent to understand, not just to respond.
- Speak with Love – Avoid harsh words or accusations. Speak in a way that builds up, not tears down (Proverbs 15:1).
- Use “I” Statements – Instead of pointing fingers, focus on how you feel. For example, “I feel hurt when…” instead of “You always…”
- Take a Break if Needed – Sometimes, it’s okay to take a pause. If emotions run high, give yourselves time to cool down before continuing the conversation.
- Forgive Quickly – Ephesians 4:32 says, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Forgiveness is key to overcoming marriage challenges.
Bible Verses About Communication in Marriage
- Ephesians 4:2-3 – “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.”
- James 1:19 – “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”
- Proverbs 18:13 – “To answer before listening—that is folly and shame.”
Conclusion: Embrace Submission and Communication
If you’re facing challenges in your Christian marriage, remember that true submission starts with Christ. When you both submit to God, communication becomes easier, and respect flows naturally. It’s not about power or control—it’s about serving each other in love and humility, just as Christ serves us.
So, whether you’re struggling with communication or trying to understand what biblical submission looks like, remember this: marriage isn’t about winning. It’s about building each other up, submitting to God, and letting His love guide every conversation.
By applying these principles to your marriage, you can create a home filled with peace, understanding, and love. Let God be the center, and watch how your marriage transforms!
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